Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Americastan

I have been thinking about this post for awhile...well, ever since I wrote the first post [link] that had no conclusion.

I just blew in (and blew out again) of America...after being away for almost 3 years.

I think we should take a pause because, for me, that was a pretty big deal.

It was weird. The moment I touched down on US soil, I felt overwhelmed (which was expected).
What I did not expect was to be slightly dismayed at the lack of fanfare regarding my return (every RPCV talks about this...I will address it in a later post).
I did not expect to bust into tears at the airline ticket counter when a problem with my ticket arose.
I did not expect to hesitate when my friend Regina jumped in the driver's side of her car and motioned for me to get in - in the front seat.
I did not expect to be overwhelmed by how many apple juice options are carried by Fred Meyers.
And all that was mini re-adjusting. I know, for certain, that moving back to America will be hard and frustrating and often just as difficult as adjusting to Azerbaijan.

So here I am, back in Az (with much fanfare and excitement by my local friends) and I am feeling nervous. I am feeling overly emotional and I am feeling confused. Two months ago, I was positive I was going to try and stay overseas. Today, I am 68% certain I want to return to the US and even less certain as to where...

This all sounds rather frustrating...

and it is. It was easy for me to conveniently forget many of my reasons for joining Peace Corps. It was easy to just not want things to change and to live here forever. Of course, that cannot happen. I must take that next step...I just...whew. It is such a scary step.

Okay, check out these America pictures. I will get back to you on the whole "plan" thing.