I am weird now.

I mean, I was totally weird before. Who (in their right mind) relates everything to Star Trek episodes? It is just, now I can relate everything to not just Star Trek The Next Generation, but also Star Trek Voyager, and Star Trek Deep Space Nine. I am working on my Original Series references.

I have spent an inordinate amount of time watching Star Trek series in Peace Corps.

Okay. Back on topic, and not Star Trek related, I am weird. I noticed this a few days ago when I was trying to talk with a friend about faith and went off on a bunny trail about my bowel movements.

Who does that?

PCVs (soon-to-be RPCVs). That's who.

Three years of Peace Corps service and I am way more socially awkward than I already was. Now, when I see a girl and boy walking alone together I cannot help but get whiplash from staring at them. Casual touches from boy - friends make me agitated and the idea of not spending all my computer time parked in front of a space heater or floor fan seems too foreign to contemplate.

Adjusting to a different culture, a different way of viewing the world, was hard. I struggled for 6 months to understand simple concepts that even children here instinctively knew (like standing when someone important enters a room). Three years later, I have to re-adjust to my own culture after years of being away. I am worried I won't be able to do it. I am worried I will make a spectacle of myself or freak out in a shopping aisle. I worry about having normal conversations that do not revolve around how much fiber I had that week.

I know these are all normal parts of preparing for re-entry, but I feel like I am going to be the odd man out at every turn. I know. I know. I should not be worrying about this...but I am.

The End is Nearing...

I keep starting this post and then putting it off. I know I should stop writing, hit publish and then [really] begin the process of saying good-bye. I mean, in just a few short months, its gonna be that old adage

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Geez. [This is usually the point where I stop writing and instead queue up an episode of Star Trek Voyager].

It's been such a wild ride. Just the other day, I came to another one of those big, life-changing realizations when I ran smack dab into another cultural habit that I have never heard of. It blows my mind that every day I learn more than a handful of new things even when I have been here for 3 (+) years.

I mean, come on!

It is just...whew. I cannot believe these past 3 years have gone by so fast. Wasn't I just celebrating turning 25 and heading off to begin my adventure? Didn't I just spend 30 minutes trying to explain to my host mom that it's not that I don't like milk it's that I cannot drink milk without horrible consequences (still have no idea how to say consequence in Azerbaijani)?

Time has really flown by and here I am, procrastinating on the next step. I still have yet to really get down to the nitty-gritty of job searching (I am holding out for my dream fellowship) and I haven't even confirmed my COS date with staff. All I got is a ban on out-of-country travel (during a PCV's first three months and last three months of service, travel outside of their host country is prohibited) and an email box full of end-of-service documents to start working on.

Geez (again)...I will keep you posted on what's what - unless you all have suggestions…

Close of Service: A Conference

The final conference a PCV experiences (as an attendee) is aptly named Close of Service. AS a PCV prepares to complete their two years of service, this conference, held 4 months before the PCV's official end date, provides information and closure for the soon to be RPCV (returned Peace Corps Volunteer).

Now, just the mention of Close of Service or COS, around a soon-to-be-departing group of PCVs can [almost] insight a riot. We are talking

• Hot showers
• Good food
• Nighly Settlers of Catan marathons
• COS travel planning

After almost two years of feeling like a fish-out-of-water, a PCV gets to spend hours talking about how much they have integrated and how that integration is going to affect them as they work to re-assimilate into American culture. It is a pretty heavy conference, although, everyone seems to come away from it feeling lighter...

Anyway, I just went to this conference. Mostly I saw PCVs making lists of all the restaurants they plan to hit up once they touch down on US soil...

For me, the entire conference was...hard. As a 3rd year PCV, I was not allowed to attend my own COS conference, so...that was difficult. As much as I enjoy the Az7s and have had a bang-up time getting to know them this last year, I deeply felt the absence of my own PC group. Stories and inside jokes made little sense to me and several times I felt like bursting into tears. Of course, I always was rocking a horrible head cold and my stomach had just decided to boycott food.

The only thing that really kept me from becoming a big baby was the other Az6 extendee who seemed to take it all in stride. His fortitude did quite a bit to keep me together and he often reminded me I was just  being silly. The whole idea behind COS is for the PCV to get some information and say good-bye - not only to the other PCVs, but also to begin the process of saying good-bye to their host community.

My blubbering was not helping that.

At any rate, I came away with more of a drive to figure out what I plan to do after COS and a deeper respect for that Az6 PCV. That's a good of a start as any :)

Americastan

I have been thinking about this post for awhile...well, ever since I wrote the first post [link] that had no conclusion.

I just blew in (and blew out again) of America...after being away for almost 3 years.

I think we should take a pause because, for me, that was a pretty big deal.

It was weird. The moment I touched down on US soil, I felt overwhelmed (which was expected).

What I did not expect was to be slightly dismayed at the lack of fanfare regarding my return (every RPCV talks about this...I will address it in a later post).

I did not expect to bust into tears at the airline ticket counter when a problem with my ticket arose.

I did not expect to hesitate when my friend Regina jumped in the driver's side of her car and motioned for me to get in - in the front seat.

I did not expect to be overwhelmed by how many apple juice options are carried by Fred Meyers.

And all that was mini re-adjusting. I know, for certain, that moving back to America will be hard and frustrating and often just as difficult as adjusting to Azerbaijan.

So here I am, back in Az (with much fanfare and excitement by my local friends) and I am feeling nervous. I am feeling overly emotional and I am feeling confused. Two months ago, I was positive I was going to try and stay overseas. Today, I am 68% certain I want to return to the US and even less certain as to where...

This all sounds rather frustrating...

and it is. It was easy for me to conveniently forget many of my reasons for joining Peace Corps. It was easy to just not want things to change and to live here forever. Of course, that cannot happen. I must take that next step...I just...whew. It is such a scary step.

Okay, check out these America pictures. I will get back to you on the whole "plan" thing.

Then & Nome

Tonight I leave for Alaska.

Well, really I leave for Baku and in a few days I will be in Alaska, but practicalities, practicalities.

Anyhoo. The pictures are from me then and me now.

Weird huh? As part of an extension (a year or more), a PCV is entitled to a one-month trip back home. This is why my extension is 13 months and not just 12.

Normally, or usually, or I really have not stats for this so...anecdotally, extending PCVs take their year home at the 27-month mark. I chose to wait it out a bit because (1) I needed to finish up my MA degree so I could go home to walk at my graduation ceremony and (2) I needed to make sure a full year was exactly what I wanted to do.

Who was I kidding? I was always going to extend for a full year, but I think I liked pretending that there was an option...

Okay, back to my point - so, I am going home. I have not been there since September 2008. I am returning as...a...who knows. Who knows what it is going to be like. Last week, I was so excited I could not concentrate on lighting my stove. Today, I am so apprehensive that I kind of want to call up Peace Corps and tell them I have changed my mind.

Geez...this post is kind of ramble-ie.

Anyway, get ready for posts about being home, aptly entitled, "To Nome and Back".

Dear Friends and Family,

As you know, if you extend, Peace Corps graciously pays for a month long trip home.

Now, if I was on top of it, I would email these dates out to you, but that probably will not happen until I am about to board the plane, so...here they are. I am all about doing PC presentations and/ or recruitment stuff, so sign me up and I will build my schedule around it.


May 9th

Leave Baku (around 4 a.m.) and arrive in Anchorage around 4 p.m. (time differences...eek).

May 17th

Leave Anchorage (on noon flight) and arrive in Nome about an hour and a half later.

May 28th

Leave Nome (morning flight) and arrive at JFK the next day (early a.m.)

June 11th

Head back to the land of fire.

27 Months

So, for those of you who are counting, December 10 was my official COS (Close Of Service) date.

What does that mean?

Well, if I had not extended [link], December 10 would have been my last day in Peace Corps, my 27-months mark.

Instead, I am here for another 13 months.

Huh? That makes no sense (if you count a year as 12 months).

A one month vacation back in the US adds a total of 13 months that I must continue as a PCV before I'm cut loose...which means, my new COS date is sometime in January 2012.

Anyhoo...27 months...geez. A big part of me has no idea where the time went. I feel like I just got here (albeit, I can carry on a conversation in Azerbaijani now). A small part of me feels sort of ambivalent. All the Az7s (and now the Az8s) are jiving with their newest milestone (December 10 marked the one year anniversary of [link] Az7s and Az8s swore-in [link] as Volunteers on December 9th) and I feel well, I feel a bit left out. 27 months is a big milestone, but I don't get a good-bye party [link] or a "congratulations on your 2 years and 3 months of service" sticker.

Nope. I get a flu shot, a dental cleaning, and three days of flu-like symptoms. Definitely not awesome.

It's Not Good-bye...

Seriously In Preparation - Year 3

Ever plan to spend 27 months in one place with the idea that on month 28 you would throw everything away, but then decide to try and eek out a third year without re-stocking?

I have and let me tell you, bad d e c i s i o n decision.

Bad, bad decision on thinking I could eek out another year with my disintegrated clothing. Seriously folks. They must not make clothes like they used to because my jeans bit the dust 6 months ago (that's right. I brought a single pair) and anything black I brought now looks heather gray.

Maybe it has to do with the hot water hand washing, but in my defense, have you ever hand wash all your clothes? Getting them clean without hot water is darn near impossible.

Anyway, my point is that I am not prepared for year 3. Ripped clothing, holes, tears, all that is a no go here - besides the fact that I am representin', I've got to look professional if I mean to get along socially. So, my sister is shopping for some supplemental pieces. I am a bit scared. She keeps talking about..jeggings? I am pretty sure those won't fly either.

My awesome fashion sense is shining through here- can't you tell?

Maintenance

Yo, ya'all, it is time for a maintenance check-in.

So, before I go having to write everyone emails, I thought I would post this on my bloggy blog and refer everyone here. I like readership and I like watching my readership numbers go up :)

• Löki Gale Tobin has extended [link]. This means I will be in the Azerbaijan until January 2012.
• LGT has plans to take her one month special leave (provided by Peace Corps) in late April/May. She is hoping to spend a week in New York, a few days in Anchorage, a week in Fairbanks, and a little over a week in Nome.
• LGT still enjoys coffee, peanut butter, magazines, powdered sugar, books, brown sugar, dried fruit, salmon, baby corn, yada yada yada -[link to Mailing Instructions].
• Her current projects include an art club, a kid science experiment club, photography clubs, and (inshallah) a Peace Corps World Map project.
• LGT would love to travel - especially at any of the upcoming holidays and/ or for any of the overseas UFC fights. Contact her. She needs to see some family. Oh, Bali anyone?
• Löki would also appreciate her mother and sister calling her. Hello??!!! Oh, and Ma, everyone would like you to send another Young Adult series. You have them all addicted. The DreamHunter series went over like ring worm - highly contagious it was...

Okay, any questions?

blah. blah. blah.

So, if you've talked with me in the last few weeks, you know I am going through a, "blah." phase.

Uh. Why am I blogging about this? [I've the strong opinion that my blog is not the place to complain.]

Because, it all has to do with my year extension.

That is right. My extension is making me depressed. Follow me on this:

Extending is awesome.

• You feel empowered because you know exactly what the stitch is for the next year. There are few surprises and your path is pretty well laid out in from of you.

On the other hand, extending hurts.

• You miss your COS (Close of Service Conference). 
• You suddenly realize there is no way your going to be able to say good-bye to everybody. 
• The good-bye process isn't one day, but dragged out over months as all your fellow PCVs travel to say good-bye. 
• Everybody is talking about their next step or "when they return to America" and you're still talking about finding aluminum foil in your bazaar. 
• You realize your support network is peace-ing out. Nobody but nobody is in the same place as you are.

So. I am in a bit of a blah. phase. I am still going forward. I just feel like I am plowing through molasses to do it. I think it is pretty normal though. Any major life decision doesn't always go down smooth.

Why would anyone extend?

Okay. I have been meaning to write this blog post for awhile now. I mean, I did promise to tell you all my extension reasons. Of course, I could just copy and paste the entirety of my extension request letter, but that seems lame. So, what to do, what to do?

Well, I guess I can only really talk about myself. From personal experience, extension reasons are not clearly cut or easily defined. Anyone can give you the standard set (i.e. "I feel like I just hit my stride," "My work just took off," and/ or, "I'm just not done, yet.").  For most cases, those standard responses are a serious part of the extension decision. I do feel like my work just took off and I know I still have a lot left to give.

Yet, if it was just that, I would be heading home in December.

No. There is so much to an extension it cannot be blogged about or written in an email. Extension involves talking with family, considering friends' opinions, thinking about the overall life "game plan".

Extension means preparing to watch all your [PC] friends leave and start the next phase of the Volunteer life cycle and knowing that for you, a couple really dark days lay ahead.

Extension means considering the meaningful impact you could be making at home versus the hopeful impact you may make where you currently are living.

Extension means commitment and continued bouts of hand washing clothing, missing major theater blockbusters, and learning about celebrity jail times months after the fact.

Yeah. Extension decisions are definitely not as clear cut as anyone would want you to believe.

But, in the end, it all works out. Or at least I have to believe it will because...I am in for one more year. Extension approved.

Update

I just wanted to throw up a quick update as I am off to help a friend in another region for a week.

Still have yet to hear about my extension request...two weeks from now is our Close of Service Conference (COS), so...

That is that.

Extension What?

So, I've dropped the big ball. I'm apply for an extension, but what does this mean?

Well, firstly, It means I want to stick around Az for another year. Of course, there are a thousand and one reasons, but for now, I am going just going to focus on the process. We'll get to the reasons later.

So, how does one apply for an extension...

Well, #1, you've got to have some pretty darn good reasons for wanting to extend. I mean, at one part in the process, you've go to list them out, so knowing why you want to extend is pretty high up on the importance list.

#2, You've got to tell people. According to your PCV handbook, the last possible moment you can request an extension is at your Close of Service conference. For us in Az, our illustrious Country Director has asked everyone to submit formal requests by July 1.

#3, Now you go to list out your reasons i.e. make that formal request. I would post my formal request, but it is rather cheesy and embarrassing, so I am just going to highlight pieces of it when we get to that.

#4, You wait for approval or denial.

Me...I almost am done with part 3. I need to get a letter of support from my host organization and then I've done a, b, and c. After that, it's the waiting game.

Full Disclosure

Whew. This is a hard blog post to write.

Not because it's bad, but because once I write this down...it gets real.

But, as a full disclosure kind of gal (or more accurately, a run-of-the-mouth girl), I feel like I should keep you alls in the loop of Löki life. Not to mention, this blog is about keeping my family and friends up to date, but also helping any potential PCVs (and current) navigate the system....

THUS [pretty big build up, huh?], it is with thoughtful self-introspection and lots of counseling with family/friends that I inform you all I am in the process of seeking a 1 year extension to my Peace Corps contract.

Whew. That was hard, but not as hard as the next few months will be. Don't worry. I will keep you all in the loop. Expect tons of blog posts about what an extension means...literally and figuratively...in the life of Löki.